Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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