My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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