you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
