They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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