Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
