i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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