i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
