The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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