I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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