That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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