and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
