Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
