I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
