I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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