FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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