Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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