it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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