i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
