he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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