when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
