The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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