Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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