It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
