i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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