I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
