I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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