5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
