she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
