I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
nutella sex= disaster
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
