My boss' voice literally gives me gas
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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