tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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