i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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