Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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