Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
