We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
