Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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