What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
