i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
