just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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