I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
