people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
