Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
