I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
