I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
