may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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