I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
