I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize