My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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