I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
