i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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