Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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