Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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