In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
