I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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