walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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