do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
