Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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