her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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