she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
