Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
