C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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