HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
