Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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