it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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