I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
