using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
