No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
