How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
